Wow! what a ride it has been. it seems like almost yesterday I was 30 weeks and thinking little of the impending birth of my baby girl. now the time is upon us. I have only 9 days til my due date. I'm cramping, tightening and contracting. I could go any minute now!
my doctor checked me on friday and said I'm 4 cm dilated and my cervix was soft as 'buttah'. she compared it to a couple of weeks ago when it felt more like the cartilage on a nose and how quickly it became so soft, ready to ease a baby out. YAY! let the baby easing begin.
that's the good news. the bad news is nano recently sprained his ankle and I have had to take care of him, marcus and myself over the past week. it has not been easy. I have relied on him so much these last few months that it really was a difficult change to have to take care of him. the dishes piled up for 5 days and the kitchen stunk. nano always does the dishes. always. his return home from work means more work than relief from taking care of myself and marcus. I had to get him ice buckets and hot packs and food and whatever else he needed plus keep marcus fed and happy and wipe his bum. needless to mention, my belly is ginormous and I waddle. plus, my nausea came back in this final trimester and being in a stinky kitchen making food for my baby boys is the last thing I want to do. on top of all of this, we are trying to get the house ready for guests flying in on tuesday from ecuador. yes that's right, 4 of my in-laws will be taking over my house for a month (well, not technically- one of them, the witch aunty will be here for 3 days, my sis-in-law for 2 weeks and grandma and MIL for 5 weeks). soooooo....yesterday, I wore myself out cleaning floors, the backyard, the kitchen and doing laundry. I'm so sore today I couldn't make it to church.
NEVERTHELESS, having to do all of these things has been a great blessing in disguise, as most trials are. I've been planning and preparing for a natural childbirth for so long now and I have placed a lot of expectations on nano for supporting me during my labor. I have researched the bradley method, hypnobirthing and accupressure for labor extensively. read the books. listened to the audio files. watched hours and hours of dvd's that I could get from the library and watch on youtube. I urged/begged nano into diving right in with me but if you were a guy, would you rather watch soccer/tennis/whatever sport or read a book about the first and second stages of labor? I set myself up for disappointment when I constantly found him watching soccer highlights instead of preparing for OUR birth. the bradley method teaches that the husband should be as involved in the whole process as the momma and all of the feminist bones in my body agree with that. since he sprained his ankle I have been freaking out about the whole thing. I contacted a bunch of doulas to find out how much they charge and all of them were a pretty penny ($600-$650). I researched birth centers in vegas and there are NONE! I even considered buying a birthing tub but the hospital gave me trouble for that. Renting one was a pretty penny too but buying one, way cheaper, would create a lot of work for Juan- work he is unable to do quickly because he is lame. So....to make a long story short- too late - I caused myself a whole heck of a lot of unneeded stress trying to figure out who was going to help me through my labor.
just when I put my head down in defeat after exploring all of my options, the scripture came to my mind: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. I kept thinking it over and over again every time something else came up to stress me out. then my attitude changed. nano can't do labor for me. I have to birth this baby. ME! I can't expect him to take all the pain away because he can't. it is going to be painful and I am going to have to endure it with the help of The Lord. last night, I was having contractions and jumped in the tub and called nano in to stay with me. just having him, a priesthood holder, by my side while I was in pain was so comforting and reassuring. I didn't go into labor, it was more like a drill but it helped me realize how much nano is going to help me by just being there by my side, with his foot propped up, through all of the pain and joy of bringing this baby girl into our family. I know I need to trust in The Lord too and everything will turn out alright in the end. I can't wait to hold my little girl!